This is my first official writing post. Let me know what you think! This was written from a prompt that told me to write a few paragraphs about a picture that showed fall trees and two canoes in the water.
As always, if I post something, a story line perhaps, that you would like to see me take furter, please feel free to let me know.
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It really is a beautiful fall day in New England. I can't get over the diversity of the colors of the changing leaves. We don't have anything like that back home in Arizona. We really did pick the perfect vacation spot this year.
We rented a couple of canoes and set out on the creek behind the old Victorian home we had rented for the month. After alternately rowing and floating for about an hour, this seemed like the perfect place to stop for a picnic lunch.
I climbed carefully out of the canoe and stared after my teenage children, who seemed to be awestruck by the natural beauty surrounding them.
"David, Danielle, don't wander off too far, please."
"Alright, Mother!"
I could hear the condescending tone as the 16-year-old twins responded in unison, but I shrugged it off.
Trips like this are the reason I had decided to homeschool the twins. When their dad died 4 years ago, I realized that we weren't spending nearly enough time together. We had all been too wrapped up in our all too hectic lives to remember what being a family was all about, but not anymore. Now was the time to enjoy what we have and learn to appreciate all that life has to offer us.
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Lisa,
ReplyDeleteTo me, your writing was very realistic. I definitely like the first person style, as I seem to get more personally involved in the story. Your story line has very good potential.
I noted only two areas you might consider rewriting a bit. One instance occurs in your first paragraph, where you use the word 'really' two times. Perhaps, find a synonym for one of the usages, or maybe rewrite one of the sentences a bit to just drop the word.
The other thing that I noticed was a switch in tense from the first paragraph (present tense) to the last paragraph, where I think the final sentence should also be in present tense..."Now is the time..."
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more or your writing.
Beth
I believe that should be written in present tense, as in "Now is the time..."
Thank you very much for your input. Yes I do see what you mean about maybe overusing the word "really" there. And you are also right about the tense thing. I didn't even notice that until I saw your comment. Sorry it took me so long to get it posted. I have had some craziness with my job, and I hate when that gets in the way of my writing, but it does have a tendency to do that.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is exactly why I ask for comments from the readers...it is extremely likely that those of you out there in cyberland will see things that my eyes will not, and that will give me a whole new perspective a lot of times. Thanks for commenting. Hope you will keep reading!